This Little Girl

This Little Girl

To women around the world, who have inspired and continue to inspire those around them.

March 8^th 1971, a beautiful little baby girl was born; her big black eyes shone like shiny marbles and her curly hair topped her adorable face. She was the colour of chocolate and her persona just as sweet. When the nurse placed her in her mother’s arms, she stared deep into her eyes; at that very moment her mom knew that her daughter was going to go on to achieve great things, This little girl was her father’s pride and her mother’s joy, she was literally born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

                This little girl grew up to be athletic, the kind of kid that got picked first on every team; she was incredibly smart, funny and a smile that could capture anyone’s attention. Her lovely features and graceful body , had old Indian women hoping to get their sons married to her. For all the wonderful attributes that she possessed, there was one thing that deeply disturbed her- colour. Growing up in a typical Indian society where females with fairer skin were considered superior to their darker counterparts, this little girl always felt like she was lacking. For a person who could run  like a gazelle and capture the world with her smile, the fact that her complexion was just chocolate and not white chocolate, held her back psychologically many a time. Then again, there were times she would put these thoughts aside and be the superstar she was meant to be.

    Time passed and this little girl grew up; like everyone else she fell in love. She had many viable young men behind her and yet she chose the most mysterious and the most different one; No one knew why she chose him or what she saw in him, in fact even she didn’t know. From the beginning, one could tell that this relationship wasn’t going to have a fairytale ending; the person she had chosen was just too ‘volatile’ to settle down and have a family. Her passion and her adamant nature though, eventually led to a marriage and two kids. As the days passed by things went from bad to worse; it was the kind of marriage that parents pray won’t happen to their children. Every day was torture and the family home resembled a living hell; her gorgeous eyes were filled with tears and her mind filled with fear.

                                                                                 The years rolled by and she lost her identity, piece by piece. Her two children were her greatest treasure and their laughter and achievements, her lifeline. In all her sufferings though, she never forgot to be a blessing to those around hers; she was the best friend one could have and her heart the kindest. Her million dollar smile, although a bit faded by then, still instilled hope and joy to those around her. Over time she learnt to convert every sorrow in her life into an opportunity to help someone else whose life was more miserable.

                Then one day this little girl crumbled; she had had enough and she decided it was time for her to find herself again. With a prayer on her lip, a few rupees in her pocket and her two children on either side, she stepped into the unknown- stepped into freedom.

               January 27^th 2014, this little girl wakes up, her face sticky with previous nights tears. For a moment her heart is heavy and then she sees herself in the mirror; her lovely locks have a bit of grey in them now but her eyes are bright like when she was a child. She looks around and realizes that there is no sadness only laughter, no luxury but contentment, and no sadness only joy. This little girl then leaves her room with a little prayer on her lips and kisses her little ones a very good morning. The morning perhaps brought a new battle along with it, but  this little girl knows she’ll survive- She’s a warrior.

The Perfect Stranger

The Perfect Stranger

Laura Maxwell was only 19 and yet she knew the meaning of the saying ‘Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.’ All too well! She’d always been the one to set her friends up on blind dates or played the part of ‘ wing woman’ rather professionally; when it came to her own love life though, things never clicked and she’d for the most part been single. It wasn’t something that really bothered her, but every time she saw two people in love or watched one of those god forsaken rom-coms, she felt this faint tug at her heart.

                        It had been eight days since Laura had flown thousands of miles to be at her cousins wedding; and as she sat at the reception and took in all the sights: the beautiful lights, the family and friends socializing and the happy couple looking so in love, she couldn’t help but feel a bit envious. At the same time, she thought back to the beautiful ceremony that had happened earlier in the day, it was straight out of a movie and Laura hoped that one day when she got married that it would be just as wonderful, just as romantic. She was so lost in thought that she hadn’t realized the people slowly crowding on the dance floor. Even the most depressing, envious thoughts couldn’t keep Laura away from a dance party; just as she was about to get up, she heard a loud, booming voice behind her “Sometimes it gets so cold and gloomy in Alaska, spotting the sun once in a while becomes and event!” Laura turned around and tried spotting the owner of the booming voice. She probably was expecting a James Bond-esque individual, because she was utterly surprised with what she saw. The person that stood in front of her was an ordinary looking lad, the kind of person who one would expect to be shy and timid. Yet, here he had this huge group of people around him, feeding off every word he said and thoroughly enjoying every word he said. The way he spoke, the way his hands moved; everything was so liquid, so smooth! Laura had seen him in the church but hadn’t given him a second thought, but now for some reason she seemed to be so captivated by him. ‘I want a sappy, rom- com where guy meets girl at a wedding and they run away to Vegas and then..’ Seemed to be the far out thought playing on repeat in Laura’s mind. He was just a stranger, there couldn’t be any harm trying…. Or could there?

       Laura looked in the mirror one last time; she thought she looked pretty, presentable at least, and with that she got off her seat. With a wine glass in hand and butterflies in her stomach, she made her way through the crowd, until she could almost touch him. Just as she opened her mouth to say “hello”, the DJ started playing a rather romantic version of ‘Hallelujah’. As everyone else broke off into pairs and waltzed around, Laura turned red, embarrassed at being the only ‘single’ person on the dance floor. She stood still for what seemed like eternity when suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, “Hey would you like to dance?” Laura recognized the voice, it was Mr. Captivator! “Uh huh” was all that Laura could muster up. As they danced slowly, the lights around them dimmed and suddenly the world felt safe. He brought her in closer and when they looked each other in the eye, it felt so familiar, so comforting. When the song ended, they continued to dance with no care of the world around them. He slowly bent down and whispered in her ear “ You know I noticed you the very moment you walked into that church; It was the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.” Laura couldn’t believe what she was hearing; she didn’t know who this guy was, she didn’t know if she’d ever see him again, hell, she didn’t even know his name. But yes, she did agree that that moment was perfect and that just like those sugar coated rom-coms, she had found her perfect stranger.

Hello, my name is Josh

Hello, my name is Josh

Hello, my name is Josh and I’m a schizophrenic. In the world of psychology, we’re classified as people with a disorder, and in the general sense of the world, people just call us ‘mad’; such ignorant fools. Psh! But I don’t see myself as a mental patient (obviously!), instead I view my mind as a kaleidoscope of the best thoughts and the most impeccable imaginary setup. In other words I think you’re boring. Haha!

           People generally have an ‘out of body’ experience, once or twice in their lifetime; I have it every time I close my eyes. The hallucinations I have, no crazy drug can give you; the colours, the characters, the new lands I go to,….. the fear I have. My mind is a scary place. It’s really dark in here,  isn’t it? Mummy. I can run but I can’t hide, I’m really scared now. Ddd… Do you see that man behind you? He’s coming for me isn’t he?!Isn’t he?! Hey! Stay away! I’ve been killed two times already.. This can’t be happening! Maybe third times the charm? Haha.. Haha.. Haha… NO! Yeah so like I was saying; Schizophrenia can be such a pain!

     Shhh! Come in closer, we need to whisper the next half of this conversation. Look into my eyes, this room is bugged. SHHH! I said silence! I used to be a CIA agent and, and ever since I retired, they’ve been on my tail. They want my secrets! I can trust you right? You seem like a nice little girl; you are a girl right? Are.. Are  you one of them? You are! Maybe I should kill you, maybe, maybe you should run for your life. I am schizophrenic after all, even I don’t know what I’ll end up doing! I’m really sleepy now, you think we can do this some other time? Please. Why thank you young man!

         I love vampires, their world is as dark as mine. Girls find them hot, huh? The scope for imagination, the gore, the want to be something but the obstacles that prevent that, the love… Oh the love! Did I tell you I love vampires? Hmmmm… My mother has always lived in denial; when I was little she’d laud my fantasies and tell her friends that I would become a great writer one day. What a daft woman! But she had the best of intentions and I pity that old woman. She doesn’t visit me anymore, she’s afraid she claims. She’s afraid of what? I’m perfectly normal aren’t I? I find it disrespectful that you don’t reply to my questions, daft like my momma eh? Haha!

   People with schizophrenia usually become reclusive and lose out on their speech cognition, but I love communicating! I love people…. I really, really love people. I think it’s good that I can accept that I’m schizophrenic, and that’s wonderful. This way I feel like a super agent who’s living a double life- in fact I do. During the day I’m a lawyer, fighting the evils in society and at night I’m overcome by delusions, and I end up fighting the demons in my mind. Don’t feel sorry for me, it’s a wonderful life!

        Do you hear that? No really, this isn’t a  joke. Hmm, no you say. Well must be the wind. Anyway, did you know that schizophrenia is genetic? Think about it; a whole family of us! Man, wouldn’t that be one hell of a family reunion! My doctor says that I got it because of my dysfunctional family, I guess that’s the only thing those hooligans could leave me.

Well, like I said I’m sleepy; I better take my medication and get to bed. My medicines are called ‘antipsychotics’; the term psycho seems to follow me everywhere!

Alright then, goodnight. And remember, my name is Jessica and welcome to my mind. :)