Hello, my name is Josh

Hello, my name is Josh

Hello, my name is Josh and I’m a schizophrenic. In the world of psychology, we’re classified as people with a disorder, and in the general sense of the world, people just call us ‘mad’; such ignorant fools. Psh! But I don’t see myself as a mental patient (obviously!), instead I view my mind as a kaleidoscope of the best thoughts and the most impeccable imaginary setup. In other words I think you’re boring. Haha!

           People generally have an ‘out of body’ experience, once or twice in their lifetime; I have it every time I close my eyes. The hallucinations I have, no crazy drug can give you; the colours, the characters, the new lands I go to,….. the fear I have. My mind is a scary place. It’s really dark in here,  isn’t it? Mummy. I can run but I can’t hide, I’m really scared now. Ddd… Do you see that man behind you? He’s coming for me isn’t he?!Isn’t he?! Hey! Stay away! I’ve been killed two times already.. This can’t be happening! Maybe third times the charm? Haha.. Haha.. Haha… NO! Yeah so like I was saying; Schizophrenia can be such a pain!

     Shhh! Come in closer, we need to whisper the next half of this conversation. Look into my eyes, this room is bugged. SHHH! I said silence! I used to be a CIA agent and, and ever since I retired, they’ve been on my tail. They want my secrets! I can trust you right? You seem like a nice little girl; you are a girl right? Are.. Are  you one of them? You are! Maybe I should kill you, maybe, maybe you should run for your life. I am schizophrenic after all, even I don’t know what I’ll end up doing! I’m really sleepy now, you think we can do this some other time? Please. Why thank you young man!

         I love vampires, their world is as dark as mine. Girls find them hot, huh? The scope for imagination, the gore, the want to be something but the obstacles that prevent that, the love… Oh the love! Did I tell you I love vampires? Hmmmm… My mother has always lived in denial; when I was little she’d laud my fantasies and tell her friends that I would become a great writer one day. What a daft woman! But she had the best of intentions and I pity that old woman. She doesn’t visit me anymore, she’s afraid she claims. She’s afraid of what? I’m perfectly normal aren’t I? I find it disrespectful that you don’t reply to my questions, daft like my momma eh? Haha!

   People with schizophrenia usually become reclusive and lose out on their speech cognition, but I love communicating! I love people…. I really, really love people. I think it’s good that I can accept that I’m schizophrenic, and that’s wonderful. This way I feel like a super agent who’s living a double life- in fact I do. During the day I’m a lawyer, fighting the evils in society and at night I’m overcome by delusions, and I end up fighting the demons in my mind. Don’t feel sorry for me, it’s a wonderful life!

        Do you hear that? No really, this isn’t a  joke. Hmm, no you say. Well must be the wind. Anyway, did you know that schizophrenia is genetic? Think about it; a whole family of us! Man, wouldn’t that be one hell of a family reunion! My doctor says that I got it because of my dysfunctional family, I guess that’s the only thing those hooligans could leave me.

Well, like I said I’m sleepy; I better take my medication and get to bed. My medicines are called ‘antipsychotics’; the term psycho seems to follow me everywhere!

Alright then, goodnight. And remember, my name is Jessica and welcome to my mind. :)